Well 3 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression- imagine not remembering any abuse for 20 years and waking up one day and remembering it. Shortly after, you have issues with your sexuality but, come from a very religious family who would not be able to comprehend the issue. Plus, I bottled everything in up until three years ago but, now I am at a place (after 3 years) where I'm pretty much done talking about it... however, that hasn't kept me from still feeling depressed for some reason.

But, rainbow- thanks for the sweet wishes! its always nice to know you've commented on a thread of mine. I stopped getting on psychcentral because I didn't want to over-analyze the therapy process because that makes me overwhelmed. I just had to take time away from it to be smart about how much I think about therapy because just thinking about it is emotionally draining for many of us.

Anyways,

I tried antidepressants but, I didn't like them. Also, I am really guarded and closed off when it comes to my T. I hate showing how I really feel so I settle for short, quick statements over email. It probably would be best to call but, I'm just at the point in my life where it's hard for me to shake off the fact that I can't really trust or depend on anyone. So, I'll send stuff but, it's hard for me to just call like that.

A year and a half ago I switched schools on the university level and also switched therapists. Hence, the new therapist.

Thanks growlycat

I could call but, I always feel like I have to be in person to talk about stuff. I don't even remember the last time I went to see my T. I've just kinda closed a lot of people off in life, and I guess that includes my T. Yes, i've thought about death for so long though, it just feels normal but, it's more like this agonizing feeling that bothers me instead of something serious. It's been too long to feel like anything serious...just seems like a normal part of my daily thoughts.

Thanks for the HUGS everyone.

Jazzy