Hey everyone, I'm currently taking A levels, which is a real turning point in my life...

This may sound cliched to some of you, but it really is a big deal for me.

I've lost it at school. I've never been like this in secondary school. Maybe it's because in secondary school, I've always been motivated to study hard to get good test results (i am super competitive), and honestly, I've never really thought about my future or career, though most teachers have bugged the students about it. I've always been confident about my grades, and about the career thing, I am actually scared and I've always put it off because I'll always say," i'll think about it when I'm older". I was always interested in health and science, and I thought that was enough to keep me going.

But now when I'm at the stage before entering university, I've totally lost it. I just don't feel like studying. A levels is just tough and stupid. I hate it. I hate all of the subjects I took (Psych, Math, Bio, Chem and LLE(as)) but those were the only subjects i hated the least at my school. Well, I don't actually hate them, but they're difficult and I really can't see myself doing a field of medicine or engineering in the future, but i was thinking of being a doctor since i hate that the least compared to engineering.

As for humanities courses like business, i don't like those either. I just don't seem to have passion for anything at all. And what's the use of studying so hard and making a wrong choice of it all and regret for the rest of your life?! Is it normal for me to feel this way, or is it normal for college students to LOVEEEEE the subjects they take during Alvls and are SURE about what they want to be? Because I seriously don't know WHAT i want to do in life. My interest can range from English Literature to Science, and i lose interest quickly. The only thing I can cancel off is engineering and business courses, along with art.

I like to draw, read, jog, listen to music, day dream and ponder on my emotions which have been messed up due to an ex which i had my very first relationship with in college. It could be due to that, i don't know, that i've lost interest in studying.

Every time I just think to myself, what am I living for? What's the use of going to uni? If you want to live, why can't you just cook and clean the house like a housewife and fall in love with someone or whatever and marry. Okay, you'll get a proper job and get into society once you have a degree and then what? Live like a drudge for the rest of your life without really knowing what your purpose in life is? Earn money, buy the stuff you want, have a social life...it's all so...BLAH. My train of thought goes in a cycle: it starts with me thinking education is positive: without education, we wouldn't have the technology we have right now, we wouldn't be wearing clothes or using cosmetics and bath products, we wouldn't have the toilet for our biological needs, and we wouldn't be destroying our green planet, and i start having negative thoughts about education again.

Am I being too emotional about it? I guess i'm just scared of making the wrong choices for uni, and I keep getting distracted from studies by these deep thoughts. I know I should be working hard...but i'm slowly letting myself fail in life by thinking about these. I just want to stop and have answers to them!

I'm not sure if i'm making any sense. But thank you for reading my post. I'm sorry if it shows my ignorance about the importance or career and work and future, but that's why i'm asking and trying to remove my ignorance.