I'm glad to hear that you're bigger than your mother!

When you have enough of the right support, you will feel safe enough to be able to face the abuse you suffered. And then, slowly, you'll be able to let it go.

Right now, your strength is tied up with minimizing and rationalizing to protect yourself. And that's OK. But it's a brittle strength. Eventually, you'll find a deeper emotional strength by cultivating kindness toward yourself, perhaps as you learn to trust in the kindness of others, like your T.

For now, the feelings are strong, but they are your childhood feelings. Use your adult awareness to reassure yourself. It's OK to have the feelings--you can't and probably shouldn't silence them--but just also reassure yourself that they represent the past, not now. Now you can protect yourself.