Quote:
Originally Posted by growlithing
I'm sorry if this thread is too triggering. I was just wondering if anyone knows how a T is affected by having a client commit suicide. I've not been in a good place recently if you've seen my past posts. I'm not planning on actually killing myself, I just sometimes wonder how much longer I can do this. I just feel so empty and alone all of the time and I'm not even sure I'm worth the trouble of saving. But I have to carry on and figure out how to handle my sui thoughts because I do have friends that I care about a lot and I don't believe I have the right to put them through the pain of losing a close friend. I was just wondering if I could put my T on that list because I know a client/T relationship isn't exactly a mutual thing. She doesn't need me, but I need her and that kinda bothers me.
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First, let me say I always chuckle to myself when they refer to patients of a mental illness as "clients". I guess they feel it is less provocative? Secondly, at least you have friends. My BPD and Bipolar has caused me not to have any, and it is, indeed, lonely. Something you said bothers me, however. You said, "I'm not even sure I'm worth the trouble of saving" truly saddens me. You are a child of God and, consequently, of course you are worth saving. The problem is what you must do in order to feel "worthy" yourself. Take it from one who knows. Yes, I'm on meds, but find it difficult to go to a therapist because, as you undoubtedly know, we sufferers will do almost anything to avoid facing our deepest feelings of shameful acts we feel we have committed. Of course, in my case there is every legitimate reason to find most, if not all, my past actions worthy -- there's that word again -- of calling them and knowing there is good and real reason to call them "shameful."