I have social anxiety whole my life.
I'm suffering from depression for year or two now. I've gone through several strong depression phases including serious suicidal thoughts, and a few light ones which were really just on level of sadness or bad mood.
Sometimes, the depression is suddenly gone, but returns in few weeks, or even days. Even during these "normal times", I often catch myself thinking about death and suicide, but just passively.
There are days, when I feel very motivated and creative, that I just open Photoshop, grab a tablet and start painting. When in one of those days I'm thinking about my past depression states, it all seem unreal, like I "cried for nothing".
In past three months, I had several sudden heavy depression phases, with thoughts of type "I'm-doing-it-right-here-right-now", of which I got through just by lucky chance (e.g. someone came over, or phone rang, etc.).
Now in last less than week, I was feeling normal again, when yesterday, all of sudden a depression jumped on me. It was mixed with aggression, like, when someone was talking on me, or just asked a simple question, I suddenly got this urgent need to punch him in the face. Luckily I didn't.
This depression phase lasted until later today, when my mood suddenly jumped right up to overly happiness, I even chatch myself singing, and I felt some kind of hyperactive.
Exactly this "hyperaction" made me to type these lines, as I never experienced this kind of jump from one extreme to another.
I really don't know what's going on with me lately...