While I can understand your frustration with the lack of intimacy in your marriage, I hope I can open your eyes to what your wife may feel, or go through if she ever found out that you were unfaithful.

I have recently found out about my husband having an affair, so I would like to share with you the thoughts that went through my head.

I felt like there was something that I did wrong to cause him to stray. Was I not pretty enough, sexy enough, a good enough wife? My self-esteem was shattered! I understand that your wife is going through something that isn't even her fault, but she might still question ALL of her qualities. It's TRAUMATIC.

Then, I started thinking about STD's. How on earth could a man who supposedly loves me put my health at risk without me letting me have a say in it?

I get intrusive thoughts of him in bed with another woman. Picturing him having sex with another woman. These are just made-up images in mind, probably not even exact recounts of the infidelity, but they're there, and I can't get rid of them. They are traumatizing.

He promised me when we were married, that his hands, and his thoughts were meant for me only. His promise has been broken, so any other promise he makes to me will mean nothing. Hopefully this is just temporary, but I'm not sure I can ever trust him again. With anything.

This is just the tip of the iceburg of feelings that I have about the whole thing.

I don't want to tell you what you should, or shouldn't do, but what would have been so much less hurtful is if my husband would have come to me when he felt the temptation. He could have given us a chance to mend what was broken. Sure, there are things that I wasn't giving him that he needed, but he didn't even give me a chance to fix it. He never told me that he couldn't live with the way things were going in our marriage. It would have been a real eye opener for me. I would not have been angry.

I really hope that you can talk to your wife about how you are feeling. There is nothing more important in a marriage than communication. It's a huge lesson I have learned. If you speak with your wife about how you are feeling, she may even respect you more, which in return might make her more determined to find something else that might help you two find intimacy again. You need to ask yourself if you would rather hurt your wife in one of the most terrible ways, or talk to her about what you two can do to make your marriage more fulfilling.