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Originally Posted by lynn P.
I'm sorry you struggle with trusting others and didn't grow up with trusting. I didn't lose my trust until later in life and yes it hurts. Think we all wish we could trust, but still have some realistic suspicions, otherwise we would surely get taken advantage of. Maybe the best way is so assume we might get hurt, but its better than not trusting and being closed off completely. Think its reasonable to be mildly mistrusting and street wise in todays society. Get to know them very well and watch how they behave with others.
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I think the difference is that you can remember a time in your life where you did trust people, or was able to build up trust. It's difficult for me to remember being able to trust people/get close to them. I'm not saying I want to blindly trust people, I just want it to be possible for someone to prove themselves trustworthy.
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Originally Posted by kaliope
I can understand with the messages from your past that it is difficult for you to trust. trust is a difficult process, especially when your mind is telling you to trust no one. there is a simple formula for trust tho. trust equals truth over time. you can learn to trust people when they have been truthful to you over a period of time, but it takes time.....take care.  |
I want to agree with you...but I had a best friend that I trusted for years and years to open up to and that was eventually betrayed. We're still friends, but I can't talk to her about anything serious or deep.
Maybe we should just accept that we're going to get betrayed at some point and trust that we will be betrayed? I don't know.
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Originally Posted by riotgrrrl
It is hard.. the only thing I can think of to help you is to trust - over time. Oh, and follow your gut too. If someone feels wrong, they probably are.
The time thing.. your first example - if this guy knows things about you, and say, in 3-6 months time he has done nothing with that information that may hurt you, then you can use that time as a signal that you can start to trust him. Know what I mean? It's kinda like proof that he maybe trustworthy and then perhaps you can start to relax in his company.
The second example, I don't think that's too much of a trust issue, as Lynn says, it's good to be street wise! I think I may have thought the same, even if for a brief moment. I think when it comes to losing wallets, it's natural to be suspicious of the person who was near you?
Good luck to you and I hope you find your way. I guess that we can expect to get our trust broken at times and I think it's trial and error - we get to learn certain types of people and keep those bad ones at arms length. Not 100%, but I find it helps.
Hugs.
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I don't know if I can follow my gut...because if I do, that means almost everyone I meet is a horrible person hell bent on hurting me physically and/or emotionally? So, I guess I don't know when to follow my gut and when not to...
For the wait 3-6 months to see if someone uses information against you...what if they're just waiting for you to lower your guard so they can use that information against you? How would I know? I can't really read people...their emotions, their intentions...like I can't read or even notice body language.
So when I approach people, it feels like I'm walking into a random dark room...there may be no one there or there may be someone with a gun. I don't know and I have no information to guess.