Thru all of this ... I was determined to keep my head up, My head was feeling SO MUCH better this week (a mania episode maybe??) I was doing great with it too ... i am still hurting so bad, i don't know how I stand it ... but i do??? but i guess the "clash with reality" (not just dr stuff) has left me with the knowledge that this WILL NOT CHANGE, no matter how hard i try ... any relief will have to come from inside ... and I don't have much left in me, i am completely used up, spent, cashed, toast, fubar, emotionally and physically bankrupt as well as monetarily !!! unable to change circumstances and not willing to fight the system that is place to care for the unhealthy people of this country.