Speaking as a guy, I am always surprised at some of the very beautiful women I have met who can't see in themselves what I and others see. Trust me, guys notice a pretty girl. Funny, when I think about it in the context of low self esteem and possible history of abuse, it suddenly makes more sense when I think of some of the women I have known over the years who sort of hid behind a "plain Jane" facade. Which is sad.

I can so totally relate - my father hated me from day one. So, he took every opportunity to belittle me, make me feel like crap. As a teenager, he would criticize my appearance, the fact that I wasn't a bulky, muscular kind of guy, told me I wasn't "man enough" that sort of thing. And, even though I knew it was all so much crap, it still hurt and it still did damage. I spent a lot of years not caring very much about my appearance either. Of course, that is so much easier in our society to get away with for a man, as long as you aren't physically repulsive, filthy or something, no one looks twice. A lot of guys are slobs and get away with it.

For me, I found it does matter. And, while people often deride an emphasis on appearance as shallow or vain, those of us like myself who have self esteem issues due to a history if abuse really can benefit, I believe, from working on appearance. A common theme among patients in the partial,hospital program I was at last year was how they let themselves go - a few to the extreme, one guy in a manic phase of bipolar hadn't showered or changed his underwear for almost two months - yikes! So, I make a real effort now. And, at times, it does feel materialistic, especially when I found myself at Nordstrom dropping almost a grand on a Joseph Abboud suit. But it does help me feel better about myself. Fake it until you make it, you know.