Hi Everyone,

I'm struggling a bit. Years ago I was a high powered exec making 6 figures, but I was also cutting and drinking myself to death. I imploded in 2006 and sought help for my drinking for the first time. It's been a rocky recovery road ever since, with lots of relapses, although I now have over 17 months sober.

Since losing the exec job in Dec. 06 over drinking, I've held one job for 2 years, which I lost as a result of restructuring.

Combination of not being at my best and a lousy economy have kept me from finding work.

Last fall I decided to go back to school to retrain as a forensic accountant, hoping that would make me more marketable. I did super well in my first semester and got great grades.

I had to take a medical withdrawal in second semester because I'd become suicidal and needed to be hospitalized. I was in the hospital for 4 1/2 weeks.

Since then I decided not to look for work but to just really focus on my recovery. I'm supporting myself with my retirement savings.

I'm doing tons of CBT, going to support groups at my rehab, going to AA seeing my various Dr's, started a WRAP group and hope to do more intensive work on SA recovery in the fall. I'm feeling happier and more stable than I have in a long time. I plan to go back to school in January and finish my program then.

But whenever I talk to my brother I feel the need to justify what I'm doing, and I just wind up feeling bad. He's super successful career wise, a CEO and has lots of money. He doesn't understand mental illness or addiction at all. He tries to be understanding but I can tell he doesn't get it, and he's said he thinks I should be working.

Fortunately all of my friends are supportive, and 90% of the time I feel like I'm doing the right thing, but I naturally get scared about never finding another job.

I'm 44 for heaven's sake and feel like I shouldn't need anyone else's approval for how I live my life, except when it comes to my brother I feel like a little kid.

I'm sorry this has been so long. Anyone have similar experiences, ideas on how to get over this?

Thanks.

splitimage