I so can relate, as I have gone on and off my meds, pissing my wife off when she asks where my bottles of pills are, and I say in the toilet

This is the longest I have stayed on my meds, now coming on three weeks... not long at all! But through the past couple of months, like you, it has become clear an apparent that I am definitely bipolar/bpd.

I plan to try very hard to stay on the meds no matter what... I think you have to really accept the diagnosis before any recovery can happen.

Hang in there, Wild, I am sure you will improve in the weeks to come. Blessings