Wow. At first, I was thinking, "oh this is different from me". Then as I kept on reading, that went to, "ok I can definitely relate!". Like you, I've been newly diagnosed. Well, a few months in but it's still sorta new. I also felt the way most of the posters here brought up... especially dumbfounded mentioned that her onset was something from childhood. Mine was the same, and I'm still struggling with bursts of anger and depression from it all. Though I've answered most of my questions, the same questions come to haunt me back on my bad days and I continue to ask why, why, why??

Through all this though, it has helped me, but I definitely have a hard time trying to explain things to others. Other people look at me and I can almost read it in their eyes- "there's nothing wrong with you" "oh you'll be fine. people get sad sometimes" plus a bunch of other things. People don't outright tell me that they don't think anything's wrong, but they do shrug me off even when I just told them that I was crying in a fetal position just the night before and wanted to watch the whole world burn, or that I was having a hard time paying attention to anything they said because I was too "hyper". They just look at me like I'm exeggerating things and they move on. I say these things to them because a lot of times, it's my cry for help. It's my way of saying, "hey, I feel like I'm spiralling off to a bad direction. I need someone to watch my back". Instead, I receive a nonchalant "Eh. You'll pull through." O_O

Which is why I joined the forums for psychcentral actually. I used to come to the site just to look at info on bipolar, take tests for giggles although I already know what the scores are going to be in the end. But I got really needy for understanding, for people who can look at me (well, sorta) and say, "yes. I know how you feel"; I just needed to find some kind of validation because there are days when I still question my diagnosis and think the old thoughts, that I'm just making this all up, that I just WANT to be bipolar so I can feel special, and that I'm just a monster on the inside messed up from a string of negative events in childhood.

I'm... kind of swimming in my own thoughts right now so I hope all this is making sense -_-' I've been in kind of a depressive mode and I can feel it coming down on me, but trying not to let the overwhelmingly negative thoughts that want to fill my head.

I guess... I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel. I have to go distract myself now before I start crying like a loon at work :/