Today, out of nowhere, a really heavy depression appeared. I'm constantly thinking about death. I really want (need!) to die, I know it wouldn't be wise, but it's not that simple. I know I need to come out of the closet and get professional help, but I just can't get past my social anxiety and talk to someone.
I was even thinking about faking suicide, so people would (will have to) take me seriously. I know this is really foolish idea, but I'm affraid when I just tell someone that I have depression and I'm thinking about ending my life, people would think that I'm joking or overacting, as I'm really good at hiding my feeling and putting on mask of fake happiness.
I just don't know what to do, I'm getting very close to the day when I just can't take this anymore...

I think I will just go to bed, so I won't do anything stupid. I hope you guys can give me some advice what should I do...