I know, I probably sound like a broken record, and I have only been on these forums a few days. And have already discussed this ad nauseum.

A year later, the fact that I was sent to do a psychiatric day program is still, out of a lot of horrible things that happened in my life, the one that burns like a searing red pain. It just hurts. I thought I was doing the right thing for myself by making an appointment with a psychiatrist. The way it played out left me feeling utterly betrayed, dehumanized, broken. This MD forced me under implicit threat of involving the authorities to do this day program, at least that was how i interpreted it, and that day program was the compromise when I absolutely refused to check myself into an inpatient unit.

The way it played out made me feel like I had committed some horrible crime and was such scum of the earth that I wasn't fit to be a member of civil society and needed to be locked away for the good of humanity. Like I was Charles Manson or something. For the crime of being honest and telling that yes, I had considered suicide as a concept, but I also said very truthfully that I had no intent, that day or ever, of trying it. So, in the matter of a few minutes, I was arrested, charged, tried, convicted, and sentenced.

And now, I have a record hanging over me for the rest of my life, just as if I were a felon. And I am so not ok with that, I would give anything not to have that in my medical files. Who knows what could happen with such information in the future?

Sorry for the rant, having an emotional time with this.