I thought I was reading about myself when I saw your original post. Although I don't feel that I'm negative around people, quite the contrary. I try to act chipper and say hello and make smalltalk but that's where it stops. I've always, always felt like an outsider. Theonly time I didnt feel like an outsider was when I was in junior high and got involved with the "wrong" crowd. Even that didn't last.

Some people are just destined to be lonely I think no matter what we try to do. My sister is the same way. She said she doesn't even try to amke friends anymore because she knows they wont like her. What can we don, I don't know.

Around my husband's family, when I open my mouth to speak, they all wait for me to stutter or say something stupid, which is what I usually do around them. I don't know why this happens to me. It is very depressing. My husband doesn't even speak to me anymore, just screams. He cannot stand me, the the feeling is mutual. I feel sorry for my 2 kids.

I think I'll just give up and stay by self and continue to read cookbooks and shallow types of books and browse the internet.