((((((ifeelbad)))))

I know of the situations that you talk about, I've been in them many times. And was also in an abusive relationship that was mental, physical, emotional, sexual, and verbally abusive.

Something happened to me from the years of 1996-2001. There always seemed like people saw that there was a target on my head saying go ahead assault me, harrass me.

If you told someone about this they would not think you were dirty at all.

The fact that you have never seeked help for the childhood sexual abuse and being in situations contributes to that because it's hard to know any different, it's like a domino effect or snowball effect.

It took me 8 yrs to get where I am now in my recovery with PTSD and the past issues.

When you don't get help, it is harder to deal with. Therapy and talking about it is really the only way to recovering memories and times that you cannot recall. Trying to remember them does pull you back, and the memories will be pushed back. Memories will come back as long as you don't push them , and when you are ready you will recover them, it's not a fast process. Some things I still don't remember really.. but i'm ok with that now.

The only thing that you can do is to go into therapy, deal with the sthings that has happened to you and heal from it. Do it for yourself. You can also get grief councelling for the death of your grandmother too.

Good luck, and please go and talk to someone about this.

I totally know how you feel, i've been there to many times. Take care of yourself, keep your head up, you can do this, you can feel safe again.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>