hi CaptainKirk, i agree that there does have to be a better way. Are you seeing a therapist? If not that is an exellent place to start finding that better way. I can kind of relate. I have DID and have parts that feel better when they are in physical pain. They will dig their fingernails into my hand or bite my arm they say just so they feel better. A young alter will pound my head so the pain will make her feel better. I think when we are young and not allowed to feel, we substitute our pain to intercept our feelings that we can't face. I would definately talk to a therapist about this and hats off to you for realizing that there has to be a better way and wanting to do something about it. hang in there.