i don't know if this should be posted here but I have severe depression so I guess so.

I'm painfully shy and it's nearly disabling. As well as depressed, and I have dependent personality disorder traits.

This morning my mother went with me to move in my dorm. She left a few hours later because we had other people with us and they wanted to go home. And after they left, I laid down on my bed, looked at my phone, looked at my kindle. An hour or two passed and I started texting people telling them I was miserable. One of my friends, and then my mother. Then my mom's friend.

My mom wouldn't come get me. So I stayed in my dorm the entire day with the door shut, from 11 in the morning to 11:46 at night (the time right now). I could hear the people in the hall talking and making a lot of noise. I didn't do anything but cry all day and text people and think about going to the mental hospital. I didn't end up going, because I searched on google and couldn't find the place I went a couple of times...

Today was move in day for the dorms and classes will start next week. I'm already thinking of just cancelling it all, the dorm and college and just going back home. I've texted my mom all day that I wanted to go home. I'm so miserable. I can't do this. I've only left my dorm twice and that was just to go to the bathroom but I could hardly leave for that.

This is an expensive, not to mention huge, overwhelming university and maybe it'll be good if I get out of it early. So I don't have to go on and waste all my mom's money for nothing.

I feel stupid for thinking I could do this. I should've known I needed to take baby steps, not a massive leap forward. My mother was very overprotective, so I'm extremely dependent on her, and it doesn't help that I'm so shy too. So what do I do with my life. I can't think of anything I can do. It's like I'm disabled I'm so shy and depressed. I don't know what to do. I don't.

I'm still just sitting here. Crying. Don't know if I'll be able to sleep. But I'm exhausted. My mom's gonna come to my dorm tomorrow and she said we'd "talk". I hope she'll let me come home. but still I don't know if I should give this a try. but I honestly don't think I can do it. I'm already so horribly miserable and it's only the first day. I don't adjust well. Actually I never adjust to social situations. I never did in high school. Never had any friends. Why did I think I'd be different in college.

also... I'm a disappointment. My uncle, everyone, was so excited about me going here. Sure I haven't given it a chance but I know I can't do it. And I knew it before too, I was just deluding myself.

How pathetic do you think I am.

I can't imagine that anyone else in the world has ever quit college after one day of living in the dorms.