Finally, the session is over. It wasn’t as tough as I thought but somehow beyond my expectation.

As first time facing the transference issue, I was very uneasy. T didn’t try to ease me with any routine explanation of the issue. He didn’t even mention the word transference. He said, “We will be ok!” And then cut right into the “work” – listening, questioning, and taking notes.

A couple of times, I slipped into my analytic habit to escape the vulnerable and embarrassing feelings, and he interrupted me, “Stop doing my job! Just concentrate on your feelings!” Other times he stared at me for a second, and said, “Let it go for now. But keep in mind that we will come back to this.”

It is clear that he is skillful and sophisticated enough in handling the issue. I felt encouraged and supported all the time, and didn’t, as I was anxious about, lose the connection with him psychologically and emotionally. What a relief to my fear of rejection or disconnection!

But, this is only a part of the story! T said at the end of the session that we had work to do, and that I had something much deeper didn’t tell him. He sensed something revealed from the transference that challenged the discourse of the therapy we made together (under his guidance) in past two years. That was a very perceptive insight, given how illusive and uncertain the material I revealed through my tranferential feelings.

Now, the issue becomes – how vulnerable I could tolerate and how deep I would want him to dive into my shadow area?

My assignment for next session is – talking about the most recurrent dream(s) with him in it. He said, “You may write it down if you feel too difficult to talk about. I will read it.”

I feel he is pushing my limits. He knew from the past that I always had room for him to push. But I am not sure about this time.

Any advice or suggestions?