I can agree that it isn't totally a women's responsibility. My issues is that we both talked about it, game to an agreement and then she didn't tell me that she stopped taking her birth control. Knowing her history, I should have personally handled the issue of changing her prescription over and picking it up.

We will have been married for six years in September. I think as husband she should have told me she stopped taking them.

We had the discussion a few years ago and we tried to have a child. Recently I wanted some time for me to get into therapy, get some meds that helped and get to a place mentally where I could deal with it. I also wanted to do more marriage counseling and try to build some trust after what she did a few months ago. Doing things like stopping her birth control without telling me, and not dealing with her student loans doesn't build trust.

I just have a hard time accepting the fact I will be a father, and at the same time I serious contemplate if I want to give up on life. Being a parent and being really depressed don't seem like they would go very well together.

Me being the pessimist I am can think of the worst things is that I don't cope very well one day and do something terrible like jumping off a bridge. That kind of thing would for sure mess a child up. Another thing that could happen is the baby causing more problems in my marriage and me and my wife splitting up.

I think a child would also stop me from hospitalizing myself if needed. With my wife's minimum wage job, she wouldn't be able to pay bills if I were getting in-patient treatment. It also adds a lot of stress and I feel like there is a ticking clock on handling this stuff. I never really learned how to cope. I think I had depression all of my life, but didn't realize what it was until my teens. With the baby on the way it feels like I have a countdown to get myself in order and be able to do what I have to do.

This just troubles me. I am very impulsive, don't care much about myself when I am depressed and often times when I get that way I feel like an awful person that should suffer. I know that isn't the case rationally, but when things get bad like they have been recently it is hard to fight off those intense feelings.

I can control my actions and can distinguish between rational thinking and distorted thinking from depression, but it doesn't do a lot for my mood. When I get down I know the suicidal thoughts, lack of any self worth, feelings of inappropriate guilt are symptoms of depression. Knowing that doesn't change how I feel though. I still feel immense sadness or other things I don't know how to explain in words. Anxiety maybe. Right now I am just at a loss of how to balance the two, being a parent and coping with depression.

I made a therapy appointment, maybe my T can give me some guidance on how to navigate this.