Yes, crime does happen.. and it can shake us up. But it shouldn't be how you live, too afraid for anything. You're not living with any quality. There are a billion 'what if's', and the trick is to stop doing that to yourself, and only deal with things IF and when they come along. Anyway, the gun you were talking about was a metaphor wasn't it? You were using it to describe how you felt talking to people, not actual robbery.

I am so very sorry that you suffer so bad. Sleeping in closets is irrational, being terrified of an ex maybe rational, but instead if letting him ruin your life, you need to get stronger. If an ex terrorised you, then you needed to call the police, not be afraid of being followed etc. You need to learn how to handle these kind of situations better, and also not allow one or two idiots to be the yardstick on which you measure all.

You know, a lot of us go through life being hurt. I've been let down by people, by my parents too. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship myself, and after he pinned me up against the wall by my throat, his face contorted with pure hatred for me, I realised this was the start of physical abuse too. I got out. He hounded me for 3 months after we split, I was afraid at first, but then I got mad. It did me the world of good, and I got the strength to threaten him with the police and then ignore him. I still slept in my bed at night (I lived alone) and I didn't fear him following me or me bumping into him. He did follow me once, that I know of, and I ignored him - refused to show any fear because it gave him power.

You have to learn to deal with hurt better, deal with people who turn out to be less than perfect better. Things will improve once you learn how to deal with the pain, accept that folk do hurt us at times, learn how to mourn a loss and move on better. You also need to learn to forgive yourself more and like yourself. Then perhaps you may not be as afraid to let people into your life.

I do think you need therapy. I also think you may need to see a doctor. Please go, I think if you are brave enough to work hard, you will reap in the rewards. It might not feel like it, but you are in control and you can improve your life. It's just going to take help, effort and time.