I feel as if I am entering a transition...I'm not sure completely as it feels pretty "push and pull" still at the moment...but as time and the theraputic relationship matures....I am begining at times to see my T as a therapist and not as my phantasy mother....and in those times I am not feeling so desperate for "friends"...not that I don't want any....its as if the reason and yearning and desperation to have someone is lessoning...its starting to become more important to be my own friend first....to listen to myself and not just "use" friends to hear my woe's....

Its not just a case of isolate or socialise...its just the question isn't so demanding...its at times like this it feels ok to go about my life and not have to preplan who I meet and when I meet....just to let things take their natural course......I guess not be on that hypervigilant state where I am waiting for the "right" person to enter my life and make me all better...

The phantasy mother I suppose...as I say its like a radio station is trying to tune itself in right now.....I sometimes get a clear message then sometimes its gone again...like an awakening I suppose...

Is this familiar to anyone?