Wedding aside, I think you're being totally rational and a good parent. You can't be expected to pay for everything, and nor should you take on someone else's debt with the house. You're also going to help her in the long run be better with money and budgeting! If she continues to moan at you for not helping more with money, just start letting it wash over you. Just laugh, or walk away when she starts. She may get the message?

And on a lighter note, Hamster says elope.. If your daughter won't do it, how about you?! Grins.