I've been with my current boyfriend for almost 5 years now, I have been in only a handful of relationships. One of which I was married for 8 years.

Thinking back on that marriage some of my friends believe that he abused me me mentally. I don't know if I felt like he did or not then or even today. I do know there where a few times it came close to verbal abuse. I also know that if I had to speak to him no matter how long we haven't spoken it would kill me. I can't find it in my heart to hate him. Nor would I give up what I have now for another chance with him but I'm not sure how I would handle it if it happened.

I would like to just forget about it. I can't forget about him as then I would lose the memories we shared. We had good times and if he wasn't depressed, drinking, or just self-centered he was a great person. I had that side of him once in a while. Most of the time he was depressed.

I'm guessing I was the thing that made him depressed. He also never really loved me because he was to in love with himself. He talked like I had to think about him, which I did when making decisions but it never worked both ways. When he divorced me he wanted to stay friends. I tried that but every time I heard his voice on the phone my heart broke again and deep inside I was crying.

The only thing is I felt like I didn't even matter to him. When I just wanted him to be happy. I hoped that his depression would have worked itself out and he would see what we were before it was over. Now I don't speak with him at all. I tried e-mailing his last e-mail address to see how he was but that was 6 months ago. I can't remember is out of anger if I blocked his e-mail on all mu accounts and facebook or not. Maybe it's better left that way.