Me too... and it tears me to pieces. Even "normal" then becomes its own hell. I some times think the only reprieve is when I am manic, but it is not worth it to go there because I wreck everything good in my life when so.

But I have to say, I am loving my meds more and more as they bring me to an even keel... and my wife is loving the "new" me. That means most to me more than anything else.