WHat you wrote is very familiar to me! The part about not feeling such urgency to meet people or 'find' someone is exactly what I was journaling about last night. I used to feel so lonely and alone all the time and that why would anyone want to be friends with me in the first place. But lately I'm noticing that I'm ok with my own company, if that's what I want to do. And long evenings with no one to talk to aren't as scary as they were a few months ago. I like your radio analogy. Not so much the fantasy mother, but I see it as my head feels clearer sometimes now and it hasn't before.