i've absolutely been where you are. grief can be a powerful monster. it is why i ended up with ECT treatment seven years ago. it's absolutely normal to feel so bad with so much loss, regardless of bipolar.

my husband can't understand why i'm where i'm at either. he just keeps saying i'm not being strong enough or i'm not trying hard enough when that's just not the case.

hugs to you - i hope your enlightenment comes soon!

welcome to PC by the way!