It sounds as though you have been through hell and I am really sorry about that. Thank you for your post, it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there like that.

In your post you said:
"I want to go therapist so he can prescribe me a more accurate medication but the ones in my area don't prescribe medication."

While medication can be really helpful, it is not a cure all. It will help balance your mood but it will not help you work through the issues that are contributing to your depression. Please go to a therapist anyway and start working through everything that has happened, find one that you connect with and see where that leads. Do it as a first step in getting your life back together, you can get meds later start working on your issues now. You will thank yourself later that you did.

Good luck to you, keep posting, all of us on PC are really accepting and want to help as much as we can.

Horsegirl