it sounds like (to me, as an ACOA myself) he is venting on the only person he has ever trusted enough to make an *** out of himself with.

Sounds like he is at a crossroads and is testing you to find out if how much you love him. His demons have recently (finally?) stepped out of the shadows and he is willing to communicate something BIG. This is good; it has to happen for him. It's progress in a way.

Not necessarily wanting to leave the family but stepping up and making his 'needs' important in the only maybe dramatic way he knows how.

He's the Father of five children. What does he think of that role in general? What does "father" mean to him? How has he felt priority-wise, to you, in such a big family? I hear what you are saying and understand completely! I don't know what the answer is, but my prayers are with you.