I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad.
A very wise person finally convinced me that suicide thinking is a way of saying *how much* a person is hurting emotionally. "I am hurting this much... "
Whatever is hurting you needs to be talked about. Do you have someone you can talk to soon? Would you call a hotline the next time you feel that bad? Will you write about what is on your mind right now?
Keep talking like you did here by posting.
(((((Orion)))))
ECHOES