This is first time for me on a forum. Kinda nervous but I think it may help. I am currently separated from my wife who is undergoing heavy counseling and mental health treatment for depression. We are not separated in anyway other than living apart due to her volatile nature. We are still actively working on our marriage. She has been diagnosed and taking Wellbutrin along with a few other anti anxiety and nightmare prevention meds. She also is taking sleeping pills.

That said, I have done hundreds of hours of research on depression and anxiety in trying to help and understand her needs. However I can't seem to do anything right. I'm accused constantly of not understanding and being emotionally abusive. Behind my back she has charged up roughly 54k in credit card bills. This was the major cause of our living apart. If I even remotely question a decision she's made I'm labeled an abuser.

This all started after a family member whom she was not close to but should have been and regrets not being was killed in a car crash.

My confusion is that I'm starting to question my own thoughts and actions. I know I'm not an abuser, I love her dearly. But after being accused constantly I'm starting to feel lost and a lot of self doubt. And I am honestly sincerely trying to see her side and its just not rational. I'm getting tired of trying to help her. She's mixing prescription pain pills and wine with her other meds. Her actions are totally random. She asked me if I thought her having a sexual encounter with a woman would be cheating to me.

I want out but my conscious wont let me leave because I feel guilty leaving someone with a mental illness. She just told me recently that she was molested by her brother. I honestly don't believe it. But it makes me feel guilty that I don't believe it.

I want out and soon. But why do I feel like the bad guy and guilty and responsible for it all? Why can't I just walk away?