I'm not sure if anyone read my previous thread, but in it I was lamenting my up coming 29th birthday. Long story short, I don't like to celebrate my birthday, as its generally a depressing, lonely affair.

I've been under the impression that I was going to have a quiet evening at home with my husband and Chinese take-out.

Well, it turns out this past month my husband has been trying to organize a surprise party for me. I emphasis trying, because last night he came clean and told me its not going as well as he had hoped.

Back story-in March we planned his 30th birthday party. It involved going to a 21+ arcade and then a bar afterwards. The guest list had 20 people, and all 20 showed up.

My husband invited these same 20 people to my 'surprise' birthday party, and so far...2 RSVP'd.

The rest? well, a few will be out of town, some have other parties/engagements, some have to work, some have family drama, etc etc.

I'd say I'm surprised but I'm not. I've long suspected these people are my husband's friends, and I'm just their acquaintance. Whether their excuses are real or not doesn't matter, their actions are all the proof that I need.

Is it possible to feel even more hollow? At this point I feel like a warm body, bereft of a soul.
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The only reason I write these posts is because I have no one else to talk to. I feel like these snippets of my life are proof that I truly am a terrible person who deserves all this pain. If I were a good person that people wanted to be around, then I wouldn't be having another lonely birthday. I'm sure my logic is shallow and nonsensical, but it makes sense to me.