I'm sorry to hear about your loss try to just think about the good times for a bit, not what you think you might have had in the future, for that kind of thinking can really make you feel worse!

There are hotlines all over to call... free...and to chat with them about the loss and how sad you are feeling... I've worked them in the past and it's quite acceptable to reach out that way.

I think, personally, that borderline personality disorder is such a tough dx, in that it seems to be an "in between" dx... until they and you figure more things out Just do your best for the time being, Be gentle with yourself and take it one day at a time. (((hugs)))