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I'm very sorry you're going through this. I admire you for sticking by her, but it's important to keep in mind that you can't 'fix' her. It sounds like she needs a lot of counseling, and perhaps for a long time.
Something I notice is that, in putting you in the role of 'abuser,' (assuming this isn't true, benefit of the doubt and all that) it sounds like she is casting herself in the 'victim' role. If this is the case, it seems it will be difficult for her to take responsibility for her actions, if she blames them on you.
Would it be possible to go into couple's counseling -at least for the sake of yourself and the kids? Unfortunately, such instability can end up affecting kids for a long time to come. This is not your fault, but I would suggest getting help. Good luck!
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