I think you both need Therapy couples counseling and your own one on one therapy. There are many many issues that need to be addressed.

I hope you can find solutions that will work for the marriage.

Cats out of the bag as far as BP goes.. Probably be best to muddle through and just deal with the folks asking you stupid questions.. Most people don't really want to learn about BP they may just want to know why you haven't "shaved your head like movie star BP'ers"

Good luck