Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyrabbit
So, on the one hand, I'll have to agree that actions speak louder than words. My husband doesn't say "I love you" as much as I do, but he shows it in many ways. I probably say it more than I show it.
However, it's a concern if he thinks that, because something doesn't matter to him, it doesn't matter. He should be interested in what's important to you, too.
Sorry, but he has a point. Talking daily is no substitute for actually being in each other's presence. That's how you find out whether you really get on, there are a lot of things you just cannot work out at a distance.
I noticed you said you wanted to get married and he was supposed to propose. But where's the incentive to propose if you've already said you want to marry him?
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Very good point both. I do have to add tho ...usually, when he's being 'good' he says he loves me all the time...ALL the time. Only when he gets like this, that it stops. Next week he'll be all about it again...that's the pattern...of course, he's supposed to be here so..that might change.
I've known him for over a decade. We met online years ago. No details but it went nowhere. Then we reconnected and got together last year and again this year and will again in a few days. We've been thru a lot together but it has all been online and I know he doesn't manage stress well. This is one of the surprises I've encountered.
I still think we would be good together IRL but I also keep seeing the red flags everywhere. It's heartbreaking.
Yes, he said he wants to marry me but wouldn't 'ask' me until he was here this time...I don't think he will. I think he's afraid...too afraid and I thought he was strong enough, because he led me to believe (as I think he wanted to believe) that he was strong enough for this. I think he was only strong enough to get out of a bad situation...but not strong enough to embrace a future that will take place so far from 'home'.
And yes, if I already said I would...where is the incentive??? It was taken from me last year when we decided together we would get married. How to unring the bell??
Just say no. Which, if he asks, I'll have to do. But he won't ask. So I"ll never know. And I won't be his lifetime gf and I don't think he would ask it. So for all intents, this will be the LAST visit and the LAST time we are together, which is why he's bottoming out, and why I'm crying all the time (and don't dare tell him).
Thank you for your kind words...I so appreciate them and you for bothering to try to unsnarl this mess.