It seems like you went through a lot, and look at you, DESPITE all this you are still alive! Rejoice, try to be happy for being alive! You see the amazing thing about human beings is not that we suffer. It's that we are so so so amazingly resilient. That there is this force which keeps us alive DESPITE all the other things which happen to us and seek to bring our end. Often we hear only about people who die and who fail on the news and in the media. But what we don't hear, is that while so many people die, so many MORE survive despite the fact that their chances of survival were extremely dim. This comes from doctors who have witnessed patients. Yes it is true, unfortunately many people suffer and die. However, many more overcome their sufferings and escape death, not because they did something, but because they just do, despite the fact that their chances of survival are minimal. So many people, so many times in their lives come inches away from death... seconds away from it. A good book to read is "The Road Less Travelled" by Scott M. Peck, an American psychiatrist. He speaks of many of the same things which I mentioned in this post.