Trojan, I to was raped and have no sensation during sex. I disassociate badly. I have tried drinking alcohol to lower inhibitions, that was not a good idea. My inabilities to orgasm w/ a man are due to rape in some part more then likely but it is also a self esteem issue for me. I don't believe I am worthy of enjoyment, not sexual or in the simple things like compliments or gifts. Due to rape, and my up bringing I was led to believe that pleasure should be given to who you are with, to be self sacrificing.

Just recently (and I have been married to the same man for 19 years) have we figured out to make foreplay last 20 min, or at least the oral part of that. If it don't happen then that is ok. My H didn't understand that for me it was "the trip there not reaching the final destination" that was important. Some times just enjoying the ride, if you know what I mean, is just as pleasurable. The pressure I feel to have O's w/ my H is tremendous. Now we just know it ain't gonna happen. It never has in 20 years, it ain't gonna start now. That makes it more enjoyable, knowing that it is not gonna happen and accepting that so that all the other sensations can be enjoyed.

I have been in T for marriage counseling, and trauma counseling, it has not made my sex life any better, it has hurt it minimally only when dealing w/ deep stuff. I just had to much on my plate to deal with sex.

On the plus side, you said you guys had sex in a risk taking environment and she did have O's then. Is that correct? Can she have O's solo, with out you around. The plus side to that would be... that it is possible. There are mental hurdles to overcome. When physical hurdles are in the way it is much harder to work round.

I personally can make it happen almost every time solo regardless of the psy med I take that kill sex drives. But being watched or being in the presence of some one else makes it impossible. Even having my H in the other room knowing what I am doing kills the ability to O. I have yet to figure this out. But my T has told me that fact that O's do happen is a plus.

I don't know if any of this applys to you and your gf, or if it will help add understanding, but I hope you can continue to grow together despite this. Good luck.