Yeah I totally get where you are coming from and went through that myself. Responsability is a scary loaded word depending how you view it. But it can be a really good thing becauae it means we have choice which means we have some freedom. Way better option than no choice and no freedom in my opinion. And we have not been taught to see bipolar in any other way besides no options. It's what we hear over and over so no wonder we feel that way. But the universe is too crazy, too many possibilities to be stuck without change.

Maybe look into buddhism too not for the spirituality part so much but for the philosophy and practicle practise part. I know you are not religious so not pushing the spiritual part. Basically they have these ideas down pretty good and have for so long. It's cool that you mention acceptance cause I think thats key. Just what are we accepting, maybe accept that if you do have another episode it is just that. And let it pass with acceptance and accept that you can try again and accept that hey it might work too. I don't know if it's so much about control as it is about change and acceptance and being open.