I wrote this tonight. I think it describes pretty accurately where I am right now and how I'm doing.... Honestly things are really hard..but down deep in the pit of who I am... I'm holding on to a morsel of hope that just maybe... I can beat this.


Untitled

Every day I face you in the mirror
your cold stare sees deep into my heart
it's as if you know I'm fragile
and you deceive me.
You whisper gently in my ear
that you're here to help
with you, I can survive.

I try to rebel and push you away
but instead you swim deeper into my abyss
I cry tears of crimson
-and they stain my pale skin.
I know that you brought those tears
when all I would ask is for the walls to be broken
and the cleansing water to fall freely
and clearly...
washing away
the pain of the past

But again, lies
they tell me that I'll never find my freedom.
That without you, I'm crumble
and if questioning eyes saw
what I've tried so desperately to hide
I would be shunned
destined to be more alone
and feel more alone
than I already do.

From within this deep, strong wall
holding behind it the pain of my past
I can feel something stir
a calm, soothing wind
A Still Small Voice
urging me on

..fight.
..don't give up.
... you can win.

and for a moment those words become my crutch
my strength.
Dare I believe that something stronger than I
really live inside this iron tomb?
He speaks again..

..fight
...don't give up
....you can win.

How can I ignore something as bold as this?
It can't be anything I have created or posess
for my flesh is weak and broken
this Voice...it's strong
and Mighty.

I chose to fight.
I can't give in

because behind that deep, strong wall
an army is forming..
with a Great Commander
His forces are preparing for a battle
greater than I've ever known.
I'm unsure if I'll survive it
but I have to try
because in that army
and with my Great Commander
I've found a morsel of hope.

It's Hope that I must hold on to
for my very life depends on it..
It depends on Him....
and He's worth one last battle
He's worth risking it all
for hope
in a stronger me
found only in my weakness
because with Him I am told
..I am more than a conquorer.