Sometimes, I think, the person trying to help gets more out of it than the person being helped. That is not always true, but I think it's what you are talking about based on what you said about hardly ever hearing what helped the person announcing that 'there is help'.

the best help that I have had, and I follow this model, is to really listen. Listen and if you can, relate it to your own experiences. I will explain how the things I listen to have been there in my own life and my experiences with them. That is good help I believe. But, without personally relating, there is only empathy.

I hear you. there is no room for self defeat with this condition.