Hi,

This sounds very much like my husband (although he never came anywhere near to physcial violence) I used to dread him coming home from work because of what mood he would be in. He has been diagnosed with Cyclothymia which is similar to Bi-Polar but moods are not generally as extreme (although he did feel suicidal) and you cycle up and down more quickly than with Bi-Polar.
He is now on medication - Citalopram and although there were a few side effects, after 2 months the change is wonderful, I now have a very loving and caring hubbie who cannot beleive what he put me through. Have a read up and see if that fits. Good luck, I know how hard it is to live constantly seconding guessing him and what will upset him. What you MUST realise is that it is not you, it is his illness, but it is important that he realises he has a problem and seeks help, I hope it all comes right for you.