((Poppy Princess)) - I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend. Seems we're losing many young people this way. When I was 18 my best friend ended her life....also had other suicides in my family. Its normal to feel all kinds of different emotions and you'll switch from one to the other really fast. Eventually it will get better. I see why you're sad. With my brother - I got to a point where I wasn't going to let it ruin my life. You will get through this difficult time.