The scar of a heart that I did a year and a half ago is fading. Losing weight has made it smaller (now about the size of a quarter) and it is barely visible. But I'm not sure I'm ready to lose it. Cutting has been a part of me for so long and even though I gave up the action I still feel a connection to it (plus I miss it like crazy). I feel it's part of who I am. I so want to leave that life behind me. But I can't. As this scar fades it feels like it is fading me; like I'm losing a sense of who I am. I don't know what to do. I want to keep it with me. Will I ever be ready to let it go. Part of me wants to take a permanent marker and color it in again. Is that wrong to want that. Is it wrong to do that. And if I did, what color. I'm already being triggered a lot lately. Would I want it in red. It's been brown forever. Maybe that's what I want. In all truth I'd rather just see the scar. Maybe I should try a normal marker and see how I like it. That way it will wash off. I don't know. This has been eating away at me for sometime now but it's getting worse as I can no longer see the scar without good light and looking closely.

Any ideas, advice... please