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pegasus · Aug 13, 2013, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lifelies

*trigger warning*
I'm sick of everything.

Tom's father already almost killed us once, driving drunk.
Tom's father made each one of us want to kill ourselves, and we tried several times.
Tom's father made each one of us cut ourselves.
I hate him.

Our mother loved us.
Our mother took care of us, but
Our mother didn't realize we had problems (BPD, for example) since body was 10
Our mother didn't listen to us when we told her about Tom's father abusing us
Our mother didn't react when she started listening
Our mother decided to help us 5 years after the divorce, when the harm is already done.
But she wanting to help only harms more.
She understands nothing.
For her, if it's not physicial abuse, it's nothing.
For her, not seeing OUR ABUSER is breaking a relationship.
For her, not seeing OUR ABUSER is not having a father.
We don't have a father. That's why Tom's father isn't our father.
We don't need a father.
Body/Tom is 15.
But she thinks we can't decide yet.
So I'm starting to hate her too.
I hate her. Yes, I do.
And I'm afraid to loose her too.
She is starting to act like my father.
Is she going to be our other abuser?
She already was our abuser, by denying that we had an abuser.

I just know that I can't afford to loose her.
I don't care about love.
It's just that, without her, where would we go?
If we could live alone, I'd do that.
But we can't.

Why isn't there something like UK's ChildLine in Spain?
I'm sorry, but I want to kill myself.
I always wanted.
We don't have parents anymore.
Good parents kill their sons when something bad is happening.
So we should be our own parents now.
Christine

Dear heart, can you use some distractions for a while when this is all so intense. I'm sorry it is so bad right now. I send hugs