Hi Dan, it seems like right now the bulk of your anxiety is with wife reading your post on here, no?
Can you ask her to let this be you 'own' personal outlet, for it to be private?
Then she wouldn't get any surprises.
Know today was a tough day, first trial day alone but seems like you worked thru it, something to be proud of!
Anyway it's good to see you back on.
BTW I read waaaay more than I post.