Hey!
First of all, well done for making it 5 years, thats quite the achievement!!

I've just had my first relapse after 3 years, and ive also just had a split, almost a lost home/job etc, so i can relate!

I resisted for months and finally caved in last week, the urges just got a bit too much for me. HOWEVER i can totally tell you that for a brief weak moment it wasnt worth it! the scars are starting to heal already and im panicking about them not being there and its making me want more. not where I want to be, at all.

Next time you have a bad one, try and put yourself in to the mindset where you can imagine the urge your feeling now, and compare it to the guilt and the shame of the relapse when it hits you the next morning. You might find, as i did, that the post-SI feelings are much more unpleasent and it might just buy you time whilst your life recovers in the meanwhile.

They are dark times, but they wont last forever. Be kind to yourself (((hugs)))