Well I went. I was late; she told me she didn't think I'd show. I was so nervous. We talked, and I told her about my week (how I finished AmeriCorps, etc.) Then she asked if I had looked into treatment options. I told her I had gotten into the DBT study. She told me she thought that would be best for me and that was what I needed. She said that if she knew how to do DBT then she would do it with me, or if I had more money, I could see two therapists: her and a DBT therapist, but because I can't pay for two Ts (I can barely pay for her!), and this study is free, she thinks this is a really good option. She also said that I'll save some money, haha.
She told me that after I'm done with this study, maybe I won't even want to see her again, that maybe I just will want to stick with DBT (yeah right.)
She did say that this isn't good-bye, and that she will see me again in 6 months or a year, depending on what group I'm placed with. She told me to think of it as though I'm going away to grad school and when I come back I will have learned lots of new things. She said "I know you'll miss me," and as I was leaving, she said "I really do want what's best for you, franki."
She also told me to let her know if I want a last session before I start the study and to let her know when I start the study. I don't think I want another session. I wouldn't know what to say. I feel like I've already made peace with everything. I did ask her about her health problems; about what if she's not there in 6 months or a year, but she said that she really doesn't think she'll have to close her practice and she thinks what she has is manageable.
A big part of the reason I decided to do it is for her sake; I feel like I've put her through a lot and I don't even have the money to pay her. I don't feel like it's fair for me to keep coming to see her if I'm still doing the same things.