About attracting it, this was my own experience. I was at an AA meeting once, and I made the mistake of sharing that I was taking myself off the market, since relationship issues seemed to be my biggest relapse triggers. I never should have shared that information in mixed company. I should have saved it for a women-only meeting. After the meeting was over, the men were practically lined up at the door to tell me if I ever changed my mind, they'd be waiting. If they expected me to find their interest flattering, I didn't. I found it frustrating. I had made it clear I was not interested in anybody, period. I felt disrespected. I had asked for space, not to be pursued, and they were giving me the opposite.

Later I began to realize that "not interested" was exactly the reason they swooped down on me like a bunch of vultures. What I had meant as a "Closed for Renovation" sign, they took as a "Going Out of Business," make your move now. A woman doesn't have to look like a movie star (I don't) to draw attention from men if she is obviously unavailable. Their William-the-Conqueror mentality kicks in, and they flatter *themselves,* not me, by thinking, "I'll bet I can get her to change her mind."

Conversely, I have found that when I am interested (none of this applies now that I have been happily married for almost 5 years) and want to start dating, or if I have my eye on a particular man, I become less attractive to them. They want a challenge. My guess is a total shot in the dark, and I could be way off, but I'm thinking there may have been an obvious "I'm not interested" signal that they see as a challenge.

Aggravating, isn't it?