Yes the pain gets overwhelming and breeds hopelessness. I'm sorry.

I forget if this was mentioned but there are ideas for dealing with emotional distress at dbtselfhelp.org.

You do have your own ways for addressing the pain. Remember that you don't need to get through 18 days right now. You just need to hang in there for THIS day, THIS hour, THIS minute.

You can do it! Know that many here are pulling for you.